I went a long ways down in the last 12 hours and came a long ways back up. Now that may not make a lot of sense, and how could it without some background right?
A couple of weeks back a break down (tranny) put me in a real tight bind (well, it was actually my insistence on not asking for help (in some way) that doomed me to the present troubles). It was so bad as a matter of fact that when my primary account went negative the bank hit me for overdraft fee's totalling over 500 bucks! Suddenly not having the money to take care of some important bills, things looked pretty damn dark.
Now in the story of a lot of peoples lives this is the point where medication makes an appearance. Personally, I chose a different path long ago. However, there are still things that make a huge difference when you need just a couple of moments of bliss.
For me, that "couple of moments of bliss" is named Lauren. 5'8", beautiful and strong shoulders and arms, beautiful brown eyes, an amazing mane of brown hair, and absolutely crazy and rambunctious. She's is absolutely perfect!
Before many of you start to get too far into the gutter, just go ahead and stop right now. It's not that kind of thing. While we I adore each other to death, WE ARE FRIENDS!!! While I could very easily see myself being involved with her, it's most likely not in the cards for numerous reason for both parties.
That said, she, just like me, is very affectionate and intimate. She, just like me, rates intimacy well above sex. She just like me loves holding and being held. On top of that, she loves being at the beach.
I have a plan for her!
So no, we are not having sex. So no, we are not even kissing.
That said, there is an amazing affinity blossoming between the two of us. An amazing skinship. An amazing bond that I know is going to rip my guts out in a year or so when I move. The kind of crushing seperation that pushes parents that lose their children into depression and mates that lose their significants in the mad weight loss. The ever present empty feeling that hangs around for what seems like ages after you've learned how to breathe again.
Lauren put me in a good place last night. Instead of going to sleep full of dred and stress, I went to sleep with a smile on my face. I went to sleep smelling her on my shirt and pulling her hair out of my goatee. I went to sleep smiling thinking about her way out jokes and stories. I went to sleep thinking about how she was gorgeous in that long brown summer dress. I went to sleep thinking of those broad, strong, soft shoulders and the feel of her skin. And finally, I went to sleep totally happy that she is totally happy when she is with me.
Sooo Wamu 0: Lauren 1.
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